The Cynical Posts I Don’t Publish

I often start a blog post ranting about what I am seeing in the world around me. Those posts lie neglected in my drafts folder unfinished and unposted. I ignore and scroll past the reminders of their presence. I am not particularly fond of public ranting, it doesn’t seem to do much except clear the air for the ranter.

Here are just a few of the reasons I don’t often post those ranty essays:
-So many other people are ranting these days, I’m not sure if my rant would even be heard.
-What we definitely need is more negativity in the world…
-I am prone to opinions and I hate to turn people off because I state them too loudly. (AKA I’m a people-pleaser)
-I really do want this blog to be a refreshing place that brings encouragement when the rest of the world is yelling at the top of their voices.

But I have to tell you:

I’m tired. No really, I don’t mean I didn’t sleep last night. I mean I am exhausted. I’m beat. And I have so little left in my tank I’d like to lay on the floor.

Maybe it’s just me, but intuition tells me I’m not alone. I’m tired of all the fighting. I’m tired of winning being the biggest goal. I’m tired of teams and sides beating each other down. I’m tired of the only solution being the least bad option. I’m tired of ignoring things that don’t fit with one side’s rhetoric while punching hard on issues of the other faction.

Sometimes there just are no words to adequately express the internal turmoil over current events. I can’t tell you how disturbing it is to see people who should know better say and do things that are destructive, wrong, and just plain evil.

It is even more disturbing when leaders from a faith tradition, my faith tradition, stand up to say “We don’t like it, but what can you do?” or worse, “We don’t like it, but look what they can do for us if we ignore this one little thing.”

In times like these, whether there are words or not, I simply must respond.

I’m an independent. I have no party, no ideological loyalty to protect. Taking sides with one or the other just seems like a waste of my brain power. It would mean denying very real parts of my identity and values.

I am pro-life. I know I just lost some people with that statement, but hold on I may be about to lose more. What pro-life means for me is that I think abortion is a tragedy, including every factor that contributes to a person making that choice. I think lack of health care is a tragedy. I believe the death penalty is wrong. I think war is hell. I believe mass public shootings are preventable. I believe old people should be respected for their wisdom and experience. I believe in the value of every human being as a Divine image-bearer regardless of their religion, ethnicity, nationality, gender, and how they identify themselves in any number of categories that would cause someone somewhere to say they don’t count.

Please tell me where I fit? What happened to the middle ground? Is there any common sense out there? Is there still a place in the world to converse, compromise, and come to a conclusion that is best for our neighbors and not just our sponsors?

When I get in this frame of mind, I feel so frustrated. Like I don’t fit. Like I don’t have a voice. That there isn’t any hope. And I know those are lies.

Here’s how I get up in the morning when these thoughts are the first ones on my mind:
I choose to believe that I am not alone. I choose to believe that there are people out there still interested in conversation and human connection. I choose to believe that by stating my position, I may give others permission to do the same. I choose to believe that someday there will be enough of a trend of those tired like me that things will change for the better.

Maybe I’m deluding myself. On the other hand, maybe the division is the delusion, a lie we’ve all been sold so that others can profit while we are caught up fighting amongst ourselves.

Hope for change and renewed unity.
It’s my ReFreshing thought of the day.